It’s hard to believe my brother Daniel has been gone 10 years.  An entire decade has gone by since we have seen his face, his smile, his hands that I loved…a long time since our ears have heard his laugh or hilarious sense of humor.  When Daniel died in his sleep on October 19, 2006 at 29, I just wanted to die right along with him and didn’t know how I would function without him in this world.  But God is good – great – and has been faithful to carry me and my family to where we are today.

Daniel died on a Thursday which made Thursdays a hard day for quite a while…but God is faithful. Our daughter came into the world a few years after he died on a Thursday.  Three years after that, our first son was born…on a Thursday.  Although our third gift from God came into the world in the early morning hours of a Tuesday, we found out we were pregnant with him on a Thursday (insert the praise hands and heart emojis please).

Reflecting on these last 10 years, I smile.  He knows the plans He has for us and they are good and filled with hope. I am reminded, too, that God is El Roi, the “God who sees.” When Daniel died, God could see the baby boy we would have in 2016, and knew his name would be Daniel. That is so amazing to me!

What God has shown me in all of this is that He is faithful and worthy of my trust.  He is faithful when I’m not, He is faithful when I can’t see; in the darkness, doubts and fears, HE IS FAITHFUL. And this has given me such confidence in seeing His faithfulness in all circumstances of life, big and small, good or bad, past, present and future.  His faithfulness is something we don’t always grasp when we are walking through the fire, but we must not let go of this life-giving truth.  We must hold onto His faithfulness, His never ending hope, no matter what life throws at us.  We can choose to see our circumstances or we can choose to see His faithfulness, in all things.

Last night as I held my baby Daniel, tears of gratitude streamed my face, Jeremiah 29:11 filled my thoughts, and deep joy filled my soul.  Canon in D played overhead and my thoughts drifted back to my brother’s time at our wedding…it was probably one of the best nights of his life.  He danced so much his legs maybe never recovered but he said it was worth it.  And then Twinkle Twinkle Little Star came on…that’s another story in itself but God’s faithfulness was evident, even in the two songs that played as I rocked my baby Daniel last night. 

The journey of healing from the sudden, close loss of my “Naniel” and the journey of my 3 babies I hold here and now are an awesome testimony of God’s faithfulness to me…to us.  And I am so grateful. The details I share and the ones I keep tucked close to my heart are all part of His beautiful plan that never ceases to amaze me.

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.” Hebrews 10:23

“Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens, your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds.” Psalm 36:5

“For the Lord is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and His faithfulness continues to each generation.”  Psalm 100:5